Recently, so many things were up in the air for me. There were several options open to me that I could take, decisions that needed to be made, waiting for one job to start, wondering about things like marriage (everyone is asking me about it, so I figured I might as well not act like I don’t think about it :P)… Needless to say, my mind was busy, cluttered, disorganized, and at times felt overwhelmed.
I was displeased, frustrated, and impatient. So many things were in line, ready to just happen – but why weren’t they happening? What was the hold up? Thankfully, through lots of conviction, prayer, and surrender, God brought me to a place of contentment and joy. Now, I’m enjoying my present, rather than comparing it to the future. Sure, I still think about the future at times, but it doesn’t cause me feelings of angst. I’m not freaking out about the switch in jobs. I don’t feel worried about the lack of income. There aren’t nearly as many sad feelings about my bare ring finger. I’m also not struggling as much with jealousy, and am able to rejoice with my friends who are entering into engagements & marriage.
I guess all this can boil down to three things:
- An obedient heart is a delight to the Lord. He answered my prayer for a change of heart so quickly!
- When your eyes are set on the things from above, eternity becomes much bigger and more realistic to your eyes. The things of now seem more minuscule.
- Your future is gently & firmly held in the mighty and caring hands of our God, who promises to provide for you. Who are we to worry about it? Worry is a rejection of God’s promise to provide. We may have plans, but they don’t always unfold like we envision. We must know and trust that no matter what, God will provide if we seek his righteousness and kingdom. It’s his promise to us.
Once God brought me to the place I needed to be, things started to happen, and God showed me why he took the time that he did. I found myself asking, “Why did I even doubt his timing, or get wrapped up in my confusion? What a waste of time.” Things with my jobs got worked out. My mind feels less cluttered. I think I am going to work harder on getting a photography business started. I am fully enjoying where my and Jay’s relationship is right now, learning more about each other and ourselves. Of course I so much look forward to being engaged and then married someday, but I’m loving where things are. I’m in such an interesting part of my life, and it’s so temporary. In fact, it will probably be the most short-lived stage of my life! Once things change, it’ll never be like this again.
So, I’m enjoying where I am now. I am learning more about obeying my Father. God’s training my mind and eyes to focus on the things from above. I’m resting in his perfect provision.
And it is so, so good.