Not mine, but Your will be done.

Up until recently, my plans after highschool consisted of three things:

1. Get a job and work my butt off.

2. Continue working on getting a photography business started.

3. Eventually, Lord willing, get married and start a family.

I had prayed about going college, but never felt like God was leading me there. The pressure of needing a degree to be successful in life never fell upon my shoulders, and I was happy about that. I really hated the idea of going to college anyway, so the fact that I didn’t feel convicted to go (at least not yet) made me super duper happy.

A few weeks ago I went to see the musical Singing In The Rain at a local college, Lancaster Bible College. I’m rather familiar with LBC – I’ve taken two classes there with their JumpStart Program for highschoolers, I’ve seen three of the musicals they’ve presented, my dear friend Mandi works at LBC as a financial aid and admissions counselor, and a homeschool dad, Dr. Bigley, that I know well-ish teaches in the Worship & Performing Arts department at the school. Dr. Bigley directed four stage productions that I’ve been in (two musicals, two plays), he’s visited my choir a few times to share his knowledge, and I’ve taken a class of his at LBC. I admire him for his knowledge in music, and how he uses his talents to teach others and to glorify God. But anyway – like I said, I went to see Singing In The Rain the other week. I was sitting there by myself (saving seats for people), and Dr. Bigley sat down and asked me about my plans after highschool. I’m not going to go into all the details, but he talked to me about stuff like majors, benefits, mentoring, and a scholarship that would be available to me.

Since then, I’ve been confused about what I should do. Questions like Am I supposed to go to college? How would I pay for it? and Why is this happening now, rather than before? began to run through my mind.

I’m struggling with seeing why God would want me to go to college.

But sitting here, typing this up (and not knowing exactly where I’m going with all this), I’m thinking, But I don’t need to see why God wants me to go to college. If He wants me to go, I’ll go.

This morning in my devotions, I read Matthew 26. In verse 39, Jesus says, “… not as I will, but as you will.” Those words are applicable to every area in life, including whether or not He wants me to go to college. Right now, I am really hoping that I don’t have to go… but I know that I need to desire His will above all else. I know that God’s plan is what’s best for me. Haha, there’s no use in fighting the thing that’s best for me. I still don’t know what that is, but I know God will tell me in His timing.

I’m sorry this is so long. If you read all of it, props to you  :). And thanks for taking your time to read it all. Maybe it’s silly of me, but I really really appreciate the fact that you took your time to read what I wrote. Thanks  :).



10 thoughts on “Not mine, but Your will be done.

  1. Remember when I said that I’m proud to call you my girlfriend?

    … Yeah :D.

    It’s such an unsettling thing when you think you know what you’re going to do, and then someone says something that makes you question whether what you did have planned is what God wants or not. But it always somehow leads to trusting Him more.

    I’m proud of you :)!

  2. I read it all, ’cause I care about my best friend. =)

    Something that stuck out to me in your post was the part …”But I don’t need to see why God wants me to go to college. If He wants me to go, I’ll go.”… It really reminded me that it’s okay to not know the reason or the end result of a leading in life. I’ve been struggling today with loving all types of artsy things (aka: dance, acting, photography, art, etc.) and just wanting to do them, but having qualms that they’re not practical enough. (Me? practical? Surprising, I know). I guess I was a little frustrated and wondering where or what to do with them. Anyway, I was telling my mom of this today and she told me something to the effect, “You don’t have to know. It takes patience”. And then I got on here and read “I don’t need to see why God wants me to go…….If He wants me to go, I’ll go.” It was just really confirming and convicting. God has given me the love of artsy-ness for a reason and the best I can do is just go with it. All I have to do I honor Him with it and trust Him with the rest. Even if I don’t know why.

    So, thanks for writing what you did today. =)


    P.S. Sorry for all that, you probably didn’t expect that in a comment. =/ Hopefully it made sense. I would have told you in person. But I might have forgotten to tell you by the time I would see you. =P
    One more thing and then I’m done, I think. ……Thanks for the little feature of my flickr in your places. It made me happy. =)

    …..Okay, I’m done rambling.

  3. God has a wonderful plan for your after-highschool endeavors, but he doesn’t expect you to figure out this one-and-only pathway for your future is ahead of time. He’s not going to send you a text message saying whether to go to college or not. But he will give you the wisdom, discernment, and faith to make a good decision.
    God cares about sparrows, and lillies. How much more valuable are you than them?

  4. This is such an amazing post, I don’t know where to begin! I can tell you that I did NOT want to go to college either, I wondered why I would need too…God showed me that it was His will that I do and I know that He has big plans for me and I just need to trust Him! You have such an awesome relationship with God and He will show you what He wants you to do and where He wants you to go. I will be praying for you, Blythe ❤

  5. I don’t use the phrase “I can relate” lightly. I can relate. I had neither the desire nor the means for college. I’m not saying the LORD will lead you as He did me – to end up going (to LBC, no less). I would simply say that He leads us as we move in obedience. You are absolutely right, that the “why” doesn’t matter. It will show itself in time if it is to be known at all on this side of eternity. The question before you now is simply this: what is the next step?

    Praying for you as you seek Him first.

    • I think the steps I’m going to take now are
      1. continue praying,
      2. and apply to LBC. That way (if I get accepted), it will be an open door if God wants me to go. And if He doesn’t want me to go, I know He’ll tell me in His own way, and in His own timing.

  6. The interesting thing about God is the incredible ability that we have to see where God moves AFTER the fact. There have been several times that I have definitely been following God without really comprehending it. Sort of a “Hey, wonder where that door came from? I guess I’ll walk through it!” kind of way. And even knowing when not to walk through those doors, even if God didn’t shut them for me. It’s thoroughly weird to go back and examine some impulses of mine that I followed without realizing they were from God. Only in the past year have I really started understanding what it’s like in real life to follow God’s will, and I’m realizing that the more open I am to change, the easier it is to follow it. I have a feeling that since you’re way more active in looking for God in your life, you’ll have no problem finding him and the way he wants you to go.

    And yeah, add on everything that Joseph said. He’s better at saying things than I am.

  7. Great stuff Home Run! As I have many times before, I again appreciate your heart for God and especially your willingness to be moved by Him. I have seen Him change your heart on several things (some of which you were really opinionated and even sometimes stubborn :P) and I see you now again, not necessarily changing your opinion on wanting to go to college but being open and ready to be obedient to that possibility. I am proud to call you my sister. Keep serving Him and do so with complete and uncompromising obedience.



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